Blog Archives

Lap Falling Syndrome

Well, it’s almost here. After the Super Bowl and the Presidential Election, the NFL Draft is probably the third most overhyped event in America. Apparently, the 49ers are going to take a linebacker, a cornerback, an offensive lineman, or trade

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Mock Train to Boot Hill

One more week until the 2018 Draft, when the 49ers will select some guys and find out if they can play and if they can stay out of trouble. And the thousands of mock drafts will magically disappear to some

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Posted in Draft Board

Lynch Review

GM John Lynch has been a bit chirpy lately, and no wonder. When Jimmy Garoppolo fell into his lap last October, his job security skyrocketed. Without that bit of luck, the 49ers would have had to sign Kirk Cousins and

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Serenading the Grinch

Quite a few days left before the 2018 Draft. Plenty of time for another 6,000 seven round mock drafts to clutter up the NFL universe in an annual exercise that is 99 & 100% pure bullshit. To some, it’s entertaining

Posted in Around the League

Grabbing the Spotlight

GM John Lynch made some strange statements last week. If we didn’t know that Lynch and HC Kyle Shanahan were BFFs and pulling on the same oar, one might think Lynch was puffing himself up at Shanahan’s expense. Lynch was

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Go Ask Alice, I Think She’ll Know

The NFC West spun off its axis last week, with the Seahawks throwing in the towel, the Rams gearing up to defend against Jimmy Garoppolo, and the 49ers signing Richard (formerly Dickhead) Sherman, perhaps the most hated rival of the

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Posted in NFC West Gossip

Combine Week

The NFL Combine kicks off this week, which means GM John Lynch will have to come out of hiding and discuss/spin the Reuben Foster debacle. Up to now, he’s been all smiles and good cheer. So this will be his

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Good News, Bad News

I suppose it’s time to crack open the door to the 2018 offseason. When we last viewed the 49ers, they were in the process of beating three playoff teams to close out the year on a five game winning streak.

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Posted in Vacant Observations

As the Alex Turns

The first week of the 2018 offseason has passed quietly into history, taking with it all the nothingness of its existence. Although, to be fair, 1,063,462 persons around the globe croaked last week, so perhaps the week has significance to

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Conference Title Games

Bleccccchh! And another tedious NFL season bites the dust. Next up, two weeks of shameless, overhyped, self-aggrandizing nausea. Fortunately, this is a 49er site and we can legitimately ignore the whole pile of steaming hot crap. Sorry, but apparently I’ve

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Divisional Round

Defense trumped offense in the NFC Divisional round, while offense stomped defense in the AFC. It’s a strange year. The Jaguars were known for their defense during the season, but gave up 44 points to the 49ers in the next

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Wild Card Weak End

The first wave of pretenders were tossed aside over the weekend. The Rams, Chiefs, Bills, and Panthers all swung and missed. And see you next year. Of the four losers, only the Panthers had a realistic hope of getting to

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Posted in Around the League

49ers 34, Rams 13

The Rams laid down like dogs, to quote possibly the only memorable thing Phil Simms ever said. With 17 substitutions to their starting lineup, they were no match for the rejuvenated 49ers, who easily swamped the B squad from L.A.

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 44, Jaguars 33

The 49ers ran their late season winning streak to four games Sunday, beating the Jaguars and improving their record to 5-10. Before the game started, the Rams beat the Titans, which clinched the AFC South for Jacksonville and the NFC

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 25, Titans 23

It appears the 49ers have finally located a QB. In three games as the starter, Jimmy Garoppolo has been virtually unstoppable. He’s had two 300+ yard passing games, an almost extinct achievement this century. Two 4th quarter game winning drives

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 26, Texans 16

It took 45 games, but the post-Harbaugh 49ers have finally won two consecutive games! It’s probably no coincidence that both winning efforts were conducted by newly acquired QB Jimmy Garoppolo, who appears to have wisely used his three and a

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Posted in Post Game Spread

49ers 15, Bears 14

The 49ers dominated the hapless Bears Sunday in Chicago, having a TOP edge of 38 to 21, a first down advantage of 23 to 8, 388 to 147 net yards lead, and a whopping 73 to 38 lead in offensive

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Posted in Post Game Spread

It’s Been Real

For the third consecutive year, the 49ers will travel to Chicago late in the season for a game against the Bears. The Third Annual Loser Litmus Test Game. Three years ago, then HC Jim Tomsula was handed a fluke OT

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Seahawks 24, 49ers 13

The 49ers’ massive one game winning streak finally came to an end Sunday in Santa Clara, as they wheezed to defeat against the Seattle Seahawks. The team conducted a spirited battle of nothingness in the first quarter, then the Seahawks

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Posted in Post Game Spread

View From the Bottom

The 2017 NFL season is slipping by quickly and we’re down to our last six games. The 49ers have improved statistically from last year’s team, with the offense improving from somewhere near dead last to 23rd in the league. The

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Posted in Vacant Observations

49ers 31, Giants 21

Rookie HC Kyle Shanahan finally got his first win Sunday, trouncing the hapless New York Giants. Rookie QB CJ Beathard also got his first win, while enjoying the rare treat of a clean pocket and a break from getting pounded

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Posted in Post Game Spread

Cardinals 20, 49ers 10

The Cardinals and 49ers met for the second time this season and the results were pretty much the same. A deadly boring contest which Arizona won. 49er fans were apparently expecting this sort of performance, as the stadium was only

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Posted in Post Game Spread
2018 Schedule
9-9: @ Vikings, 10:00 am Sun.
9-16: vs. Lions, 1:25 pm, Sun.
9-23: @ Chiefs, 10:00 am, Sun.
9-30: @ Chargers, 1:25 pm, Sun.
10-7: vs. Cardinals, 1:25 pm, Sun.
10-15: @ Packers, 5:15 pm, Mon.
10-21: vs. Rams, 5:20 pm, Sun.
10-28: @ Cardinals, 1:25 pm, Sun.
11-1: vs. Raiders, 5:20 pm, Thur.
11-12: vs. Giants, 5:15 pm, Mon.
BYE
11-25: @ Tampa, 10:00 am, Sun.
12-2: @ Seattle, 5:20 pm, Sun.
12-9: vs. Broncos, 1:25 pm, Sun.
12-16: vs. Seattle, 1:25 pm, Sun.
12-23: vs. Bears, 1:05 pm, Sun.
12-30: @ Rams, 1:25 pm, Sun.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2017 Prognostications
NJ49er: 6-10
Skeebers: 6-10
Bullit: 5-11
Mr Fletch: 5-11
RTFirefly: 5-11
Chuck: 9-7
Grumpy: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
Winder: 4-12

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