Blog Archives

Death Rattle of the 2017 Offseason

Less than two weeks, fellow disgruntlements! And a 99.9100% chance that as of 4:00pm ET Monday, Kirk Cousins will become became a 2018 Free Agent. And in the meantime … The Vegas odds makers and national media wonks all think

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Plot Lines

Less than a three weeks until Training Camp opens and we begin to sort out this mess of newbies wearing the Red and Gold. But I’m more enthused about the return of football in general than the Niners in particular.

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Posted in Around the League

Light It Up

Happy Independence Day, fellow citizens. In honor of this day, we will consume 150 million hot dogs, 71% of them covered with mustard. We will also spend $800 million on fireworks while decreasing the air quality by 42%. This day

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

Coming Attractions

The 49ers have not had a franchise QB since Steve Young was knocked out of the NFL by Aeneas Williams at Arizona in 1999. They won’t have one this year, either. Making it 19 straight years with a deficiency at

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Take a Number

The 49ers close out their offseason practices this week. If you gleaned any useful information from these sessions, congratulations. Your drug of choice has served you well. Joe Montana‘s recent birthday was a painful reminder that we once had recognizable,

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

OTA Waltz

The 49ers held some OTAs last week, and the guys were running around in their shorts doing athletic stuff. Titillating entertainment for the female population. Wimpy fake football to us manly men. The Niner beat writers seem very impressed with

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Posted in Orgainized Team Activities

The Price of Admission

OTAs are in the vicinity — around the corner, down the street, across the field, up the tree — somewhere out there. You can find them if so inclined. Not that your search will be rewarded, even if successful. Organized

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Posted in Vacant Observations

So Far, So Good

New GM John Lynch had a fairly sensational debut in his inaugural Draft, collaborating seamlessly with new HC Kyle Shanahan. They worked so well together, you could almost feel Jed York itching to jump in and take credit for their

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Posted in Draft Reaction

2017 Draft

Day One Not a bad first day for the 49ers and greenhorn GM John Lynch‘s inaugural Draft. Lynch netted two defensive studs who should start immediately and provide needed improvement to the D-line pass rush (Solomon Thomas) and the ILB

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Posted in Draft Reaction

Hello Goodbye

The endless pre-Draft piffle machine will finally, mercifully grind to a halt next Thursday night, when the Browns and 49ers step to the podium to make their 2017 first round selections. While DE Myles Garrett is the consensus number one

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Posted in Draft Board

Trial Balloon Float

Only 4,823 more mock drafts until the real Draft takes place! Curiously, every year at this time, players rise up and fall down the mock draft boards even though none of them are playing any games right now. How can

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Posted in Draft Board

Uncharted Waters

The Free Agency period seems to have run its course, leaving us with six weeks of mock drafts to grind through. Whizzo. There are still a few big names out there looking for work. Jay Cutler, Jamaal Charles, Adrian Paterson.

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Posted in Mindless Drivel

In and Out Burgh

Last week was a fun few days. Twelve new John Lynch 49er recruits, basically replacing 12 old Trent Baalke guys. None of the new players are likely to push the team into the playoffs next year, and many of them

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Posted in Delusional Therapy

Shopping Spree

The Rumor Mill has been spitting out a lot of juicy tidbits the past week, as the FA period nears. Big name cuts, trade scenarios real and ridiculous, and a promise from GM John Lynch that we fans should keep

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Cerebral Infarction Surgery

It’s the annual NFL Combine week, which means everybody   most people   many folks   quite a few fans   several guys   a few boys   NJ49er and Bullit will be glued to their TV screens this week. Happy tape measures and stop watches,

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Posted in Waltzing Matilda

Extreme Makeover

The 49ers have taken the term “cleaning house” to a level that would make an OCD housewife beam proudly. By the time Free Agency and the Draft have come and gone, the entire building will not have a clue who

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Posted in Vacant Observations

Scaled Up Opportunities

The offseason is mercifully upon us and the 49ers have finally introduced their third attempt to replace the highly successful former HC Jim Harbaugh. And their second attempt to replace the highly successful former GM Scot McCloughan. At least neither

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Great Expectations

And away we go with another edition of the Jed York Follies! The hiring of Kyle Shanahan as the new Head Coach won’t be booed in too many gin joints in all the towns in all the world. But, pulling

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Posted in FOS Speculation

The Three Amigos

This year’s playoffs have been a lot like watching this year’s 49ers. Various versions of seeing a team get blown out of a game. Only two out of ten games have been nail biters. Some were over by the second

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Posted in The Usual Suspects

Third Time’s The Charm?

According to YorkiLeaks, the next 49er HC will be Kyle Shanahan. The next GM will be one of the guys from Green Bay or the one from Arizona. Until somebody signs on the dotted line, however, there’s always the chance

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Posted in FOS Speculation

And The Winner Is …

This is probably Jed York‘s last chance to show there’s functioning life going on between his ears. Picking the wrong HC is one thing. Picking the wrong GM is quite another. Whoever the new GM is, he’ll be putting his

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Posted in FOS Speculation

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

For the third straight year, the 49ers are beating the bushes looking for a new regime to hopefully convince a skeptical fanbase that they know what they’re doing. Unfortunately for them, the fanbase is, by now, 100% sure that this

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Posted in FOS Speculation
2017 Schedule
Sept. 10: vs. Carolina, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 17: at Seattle, 1:25 p.m.
Sept. 21: vs. L.A. Rams, 5:25 p.m.
Oct. 1: at Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 8: at Indianapolis, 10 a.m.
Oct. 15: at Washington, 10 a.m.
Oct. 22: vs. Dallas, 1:05 p.m.
Oct. 29: at Philadelphia, 10 a.m.
Nov. 5: vs. Arizona, 1:05 p.m.
Nov. 12: vs. N.Y. Giants, 1:25 p.m.
Week 11 — Bye
Nov. 26: vs. Seattle, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 3: at Chicago, 10 a.m.
Dec. 10: at Houston, 10 a.m.
Dec. 17: vs. Tennessee, 1:25 p.m.
Dec. 24: vs. Jacksonville, 1:05 p.m.
Dec. 31: at L.A. Rams, 1:25 p.m.
 
2017 Draft Class
1. DE Solomon Thomas
1. ILB Reuben Foster
3. CB Ahkello Witherspoon
3. QB C.J. Beathard
4. RB Joe Williams
5. TE George Kittle
5. WR Trent Taylor
6. DT D.J. Jones
6. LB Pita Taumoepenu
7. CB Adrian Colbert
 
2016 Prognostications
Closest To The Pin
  Grumpy: 3-13
  Spitblood: 3-13
  Winder: 3-13
Bakkentom: 0-16
Bullit: 5-11
Chuck: 8-8, 7-9, 9-7, 10-6
Mr Fletch: 4-12
NJ49er: 5-11
Phil Fan: 4-12
Rob: 9-7
RTFirefly: 7-9
Skeebers: 6-10

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